My birthday was in April. I've always wanted to be 36. I've thought that my whole adult life. Why? Well, I always felt my mom was so gorgeous at the age of 36. So when I turned 36 something magical was going to happen. Guess what?? ...that didn't happen. I think about my age every day. If you were rounding the number 36 to the nearest ten, you would have to round my age to 40. Ugh..how depressing.
I look at myself in the mirror everyday. Is that a new wrinkle? Hmmm...I wonder how I'd look with Botox? Can I afford it? Maybe I need a lift? Or some Nip N Tuck? Which procedure is the cheapest? Which one should I save for first? Is that a grey hair? Maybe I should darken my hair? No! I'll keep highlighting it so you can't see grey. Should I let my hair grow out? Or keep it shoulder length? Don't old women keep their hair short? ......and the list goes on and on.
Over the weekend I was in Vegas for a trade show. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do in the evening. I've seen a few shows there. I decided on seeing "Menopause, the musical". My mom and dad saw it a few months ago and raved about it. I got up Sat morning and stood in line to get the tickets half off. I went over to Macy's and got a new dress to wear to the show. ( I KNOW...anything for a new outfit!) I headed on over to the show and texted my mom. I told her I got tickets to the show. She assured me I was going to LOVE it, and told me to call her when it was over.
I called her immediately when it was over.
The phone rings, mom picks it up, "Did you just love it honey?"
I was practically in tears, "Are you kidding? You thought THAT was funny?? I thought it was supposed to be a comedy? It was more of a HORROR show!"
My mom just chuckles, "You didn't like it?"
My heart is beating fast, "No mom, I HATED it! It was so awful! How could you think it was funny? I'm actually frightened now! THIS is what I have to look forward to? Being fat, I mean, I've fought my whole life with diets. When I get older no diets are going to help. Then there is the hot flashes, and mood swings. OH! and what about peeing your pants?? It's just utter chaos. Mom...this is not funny. I don't think I want to live long enough to go thru this!!! I'm actually scared."
I then proceeded to tell her that there were a lot of middle-aged women and men in there and they were laughing so hard. I wanted to crawl under my seat and just cry! Being closer to 40 is scary, but the thought of this in another 10 years is just downright HORRIBLE!
My mom told me that it happens gradually. Great. Is this like how I was complaining last week that I went to the store and forgot what I was there for?? (I've been reading a book on Alzheimer's and every symptom in there, I think I have.) My mom told me not to worry, I too will think it's funny and I will have my best friends going thru it with me at the same time. Somehow though this doesn't seem funny. :(
I think that they should have a warning for women who are not menopausal, before going to see menopause. It's not for the faint! Nor is it for women who dont think they will age gracefully.
Oh Lori, I am right there with you, I want to climb under my seat too now that I myself is finding the gray hair.
ReplyDeleteYou'll age gracefully. No matter what, you'll always be funny. Old age will never take away your sense of humor (unless you lose your mind). Depends may be the greatest invention of all time. Your friends will need those when their hanging around you. Laughter and a weak bladder are not a good combination.
ReplyDeleteTell Kristy that I'm thinking about her!